A Mother’s Testimony of Faith
I grew up in a small town with one red light. We lived walking distance to our loving Baptist church. Growing up, church meant family. The members of my church were so loving and that’s what I remember most. I was taught so much in my youth by that church on the hill, but when I left my small town to head out into the big world on my own, I lost my way. Like any teenager, I was defiant and rebellious. Still, in the back of my mind, I knew what was right and wrong. I knew deep down I was not living the life God intended for me to live. I was exploring my independence and I wanted to do everything on my own. I wanted my will to be done. An emptiness formed in me and there was a hole in my soul. I tried to fill this emptiness up myself with unpromised love from boys, by abusing alcohol and drugs, buying new shiny things, gaining popularity and being seen. Still as much as I tried, I always failed. The boy would leave, the alcohol would leave me hurt and confused, the shiny things would fade, the popular crowd would leave and I was left alone, so I thought. I had hit my bottom. You know, that moment where the tears are falling uncontrollably and you are rocking yourself back and forth crying out for help. And where did my help come from? Not from my popular friends, not from drinking, not from a boy or anyone else or thing. In that moment as I sat alone in a dark room, a calmness came over me. A reassuring feeling, one that I had felt before in my youth. It was familiar, loving and steady. It was God. I began to pray. My tears dried. My body calmed. My soul felt full.
From that moment on, I knew what I had to do. Give up my will and trust in His. Following my own will had left me heartbroken, but once I gave my burdens and sorrow over to God, I was reassured. I started on a new path, with Him leading the way and driving my choices. Things changed for me. I had big plans for myself, but when I let God determine my future, my plans were bigger and greater than I could have ever imagined.
God provided to me more than I could have ever dreamt of. I desperately wanted to find love, but instead of trying to fill this void with the love and affection of others, I let the love of God surround me and I began to love myself. What happened next? After I put my faith in God, He sent my husband to me. A loyal, calm-natured, incredibly loving partner in life.
I always wanted to be a mother, but had health issues and was told by my doctor that having children of my own would be challenging and most likely wouldn’t happen. I went through nine months of treatments to try to cure my issues. After the nine months, we were told, now is the time to have children by the doctor. My husband and I were just dating at the time. Now? We thought. Before we’re married? Before our relationship has had time to grow and stand on its own? As much as I wanted to have children, I knew that this was not God’s plan for me at the time. What happened next? We trusted in God. We let Him lead and we prayed. Two years went by and just a little over two months after my husband and I were married we learned we were expecting. Fast forward another three years and we have two beautiful healthy children!
I’ve seen the power of following God’s will in life and putting all of my faith and trust in Him. I still make mistakes, everyday. Following His will and not my own is not always easy. I still have challenges and fall, but He is always there to pick me up and dust me off. I no longer have a gaping hole inside of me. I’m filled with Him. His promises. His love. His everlasting life.